Introduction To Counselling
Getting Started
Let’s dive straight into what might be useful to know. Some readers may have had prior counselling experience, while others might be newcomers starting out on their journey.
The counselling profession offers a diverse range of styles and approaches, each shaped by the unique personal style and healing philosophy that counsellors bring to their work. Because of this, it’s difficult to pinpoint one universal definition.
However, we can attempt to define counselling by taking inspiration from what most approaches have in common. I propose we start by generally exploring what counselling is, and then look more closely at one specific approach.
What is Counselling?
A General Definition of Counselling
So firstly, here’s a general definition of counselling, based on some of my own experiences. My role is to meet with individuals, usually once a week, in a confidential setting, to actively listen and deeply connect with the thoughts, feelings, and experiences that are openly shared within the counselling space.
My aim is to offer complete, undivided attention and to help individuals work through barriers or blocks that may be hindering growth and development. Counselling provides a safe, reflective environment where change can begin through understanding and connection.
I believe this is a fair and accurate assessment of what counselling is at its core, regardless of the approach. Moving forward, let’s look at one specific approach to counselling — the one I use most often — as it allows me to offer a deeper level of understanding based on working knowledge and experience.
About The Person Centred Counselling Approach
I’m known as a Person‑Centred therapeutic counsellor. Person‑Centred counselling is a humanistic approach that focuses on relationships and the significance they hold in our lives. The word relationship is broad — it describes the many forms of relational contact we have with others, such as family, partners, and friendships. It can even refer to the relationship we have with ourselves.
Person‑Centred counselling is designed to be flexible and adaptive to meet the needs of each individual. From the first contact, respect, authenticity, and non‑judgement are freely given. There is a commitment to nurturing what are known as psychological conditions within the working relationship between client and counsellor — qualities that help individuals discover their own path to becoming self‑sufficient and autonomous.
I believe that, on some level, the therapist is the therapy. This means the counsellor’s qualities and contributions to the relationship are among the main sources of healing for the client. The process is deeply relational, and growth often emerges through genuine human connection.
I haven’t found a sacred magic wand or ultimate guide to “fixing” the parts of us that feel broken. However, Person‑Centred counselling offers the chance to build a strong, healthy connection in a safe environment. A well‑established dynamic between client and counsellor can — hopefully, fingers crossed — positively influence other areas of someone’s life beyond the therapy room.
Whilst on the topic of human contact, it’s worth mentioning the work of journalist Johann Hari, author of Lost Connections. Hari highlights the importance of connection and its healing potential, even suggesting that depression may be alleviated through connection. In counselling, relief is often found through that same sense of connection.
Personal Motivations of A Counsellor
Counsellors are often motivated by deeply personal reasons. My About Me section touches briefly on my own experiences, but to expand — my motivation stems from a time when I encountered a lack of professional competency from those responsible for my care. Sadly, I wasn’t met with the genuineness, care, or quality of attention I had hoped to receive.
Everything I didn’t experience then has become the foundation of my practice today — a commitment to offering authenticity, attentiveness, and genuine human connection. In many ways, it’s my way of showing how counselling can truly be done with integrity and compassion.
For other counsellors and psychotherapists, motivations may differ but are no less meaningful. Even within a single approach, many personal styles emerge. Though similar in principle, each is shaped by the counsellor’s own history, values, and lived understanding of what it means to support another person.
In summary, a counsellor will be with you on your journey to facilitate, not dictate. The Person-Centred approach is what I call real healing. Not robotic, not scripted. It's about connection and it is about being real.
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When The Right Time Might Be
The Best Time To Have Counselling
It can be helpful to explore when counselling might be most beneficial. Timing matters — accessing support at the right moment can make the experience more meaningful and effective.
Part of this involves noticing the signs that your emotional or physical wellbeing may be shifting. Recognising these changes early can help you identify the type of support that might be most useful and when to reach out for it.
Self -Awareness
From the initial thought of needing support to the first step, counselling can be gradual process. Reaching out shouldn’t be rushed; it takes as long as it takes. Having awareness of the challenges in our lives is extremely important.
According to the Cambridge Dictionary, awareness is defined as:
“knowledge that something exists or understanding of a situation or subject at the present time
on information or experience”We may have moments of awareness throughout the day. Sometimes thoughts that we acknowledge and let go of,
allowing them to run their course. Other times, we can hold onto thoughts. When we start to hold onto too many of our thoughts for longer and longer periods, instead of allowing them to pass freely through us, the body starts storing and negatively impacting us.The body can respond to challenges emotionally, mentally and even physically. Here are just some of the ways that our bodies can do this:
- Restlessness or agitation
- sudden triggers of aggression, rage attacks, blackouts, or "seeing red"
- Excessive use of painkillers
- Dependence on substance
- Persistent anxiety and/or panic attacks
- Prolonged periods of sadness or low mood
- Being overwhelmed with thoughts and emotion
- Hearing voices that seem louder or more intrusive than usual
- Difficulty concentrating or maintaining focus
- Being sure of saying or seeing something, only to later realise they weren't real
- Suicidal thoughts
- Thoughts or the act of self- harm or engaging in self- harming behaviours
- Struggling to engage in intimacy or connection in relationships
- Consistent feelings of guilt and/or shame
- Struggling to get out of bed
- Difficulty waking up or falling asleep
- Feeling disconnected from yourself or experiencing out-of-body sensations
- Feeling afraid to leave home or go outside
Social Influence on Mental Health
Society is often where our understanding of counselling begins. Even before stepping into a therapy room, our perception of the process can be shaped by social media, television, and first‑hand accounts from people we know.
Counselling holds different meanings and significance for everyone. The only way to build a deeper, more personal understanding is to experience the journey first‑hand. When the time feels right, the body often signals this to us — a quiet invitation to begin.
Start by listening to your inner voice and allow it to guide you toward the right moment. The body will tell us what we truly need to hear if we sit with ourselves and allow space for it to come through.
Some Areas Counselling Works With
🧠 Mental Health Conditions
Some conditions that counselling can help with include:
⚖️ Trauma & Abuse
These relate to experiences of violence, violation, or psychological trauma:
- Domestic Abuse & Violence
- Bullying & Harassment
- Trauma Related Experiences
💬 Relational & Social Issues
These involve interpersonal dynamics or social challenges:
- Relationship issues
- Sexual relationships / encounters
- Loneliness
- Identity
- Pregnancy
- Internet & Technology Related Issues
🧒 Young People & Education
These are specific to developmental stages or school-related concerns:
- Bullying
- School attendance
- Exam Stress
🍃 Addiction & Behavioural Challenges
These involve compulsive behaviours or substance use:
- Drugs & Alcohol
- Gambling
- Rage
- Workaholism
- Addiction to Sex
Counselling Myths Vs Realities?
Counselling comes in all shapes and sizes. It’s one of the most diverse professions in the world, which is incredible — because people have a choice in how they want their counselling to look and feel. However, there are some assumptions about counselling that seem to have come from many sources.
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What Confidentiality Means In Counselling?
Confidentiality is one of the most important components of counselling. It allows someone to feel safe enough to speak freely, without worrying or second‑guessing whether what they’ve said might reach someone else — or be used against them in any way.
In counselling, confidentiality means that what is shared remains protected. Only under the most exceptional circumstances might a practitioner need to share something that has been spoken about. This is done solely to meet legal or ethical obligations, such as when there is immediate risk of harm.
The practitioner has a duty to uphold this commitment for the sake of your trust and the relationship you build together. Nobody outside of that relationship should be privy to what’s shared. True confidentiality requires more than reassurance — it calls for a genuine, felt sense of trust
Confidentiality & Trust in Counselling
In counselling, trust is built gradually over time. Counsellors often spend a considerable amount of time exploring confidentiality at the beginning of the process to reassure clients that whatever is shared remains protected.
A professional who shares information about you casually — even without using names — misunderstands what confidentiality truly means. From both a moral and legal standpoint, this kind of disclosure breaks your confidence unnecessarily.
Confidentiality means that what is shared stays within the counselling relationship. It is a promise of privacy, respect, and safety that allows you to speak freely and feel secure in the knowledge that your words are held in trust.
When Does Confidentiality May Need Extending?
There are a few instances when confidentiality must be extended, and in most cases, this is due to legal obligations or to protect you or someone else if there is any form of immediate risk. Exceptions include:
- If you or someone else is at immediate risk of harm
- If anything disclosed falls within the scope of the Children Act
- If anything shared is considered a serious crime—this may include money laundering, terrorism, drug trafficking, or serious driving offences
Confidentiality & Counselling Supervision
In addition to legal exceptions, counsellors may also discuss aspects of their work with a counselling supervisor. A counselling supervisor is another qualified professional whom counsellors meet with regularly to reflect on how they are doing in relation to their work. To describe it simply — supervision is like counselling for counsellors, focused on professional growth and ethical practice.
This process is less about the client’s personal content and more about the counsellor’s emotional responses and reflections on their work. In these conversations, any information that could personally identify a client is excluded. When necessary, pseudonyms are used to protect the client’s identity and maintain confidentiality.
What Counsellors Do & Dont Do?
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What Are Goals in Counselling?
Goals are often seen as an important part of the counselling process. Having a specific goal — or even a general sense of direction — at the start of therapy can help shape the journey and give you something to work toward.
Much of the personal growth that emerges in counselling happens both within the sessions and in the spaces between them. The goals you set can become part of this wider process, supporting change, reflection, and movement in your everyday life.
You don’t need to arrive with a clearly defined goal to benefit from counselling. Many people come simply to explore what matters most to them, while others prefer to reflect on their experiences without setting specific objectives. Both approaches are entirely valid and can lead to meaningful insight and progress.
Whether you’re working toward something specific or simply seeking space to think and feel more freely, sessions are there to support that process — at your pace. There’s no rush or pressure; counselling unfolds naturally as trust and understanding grow.
Are You New To Counselling?
Beginning therapy can be a unique experience for each individual, and it's important to recognise that people attending for the first time may feel apprehensive or anxious. Counsellors understand that taking the step to seek counselling can be challenging, so it is about making the process as warm, welcoming and comfortable as possible.
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Once you've found a counsellor you feel comfortable working with, the next step is to reach out to them. Counsellors typically list their preferred contact methods in the contact section of their website.
A good starting point is to introduce yourself and share what has led you to seek counselling. This helps the counsellor understand your needs and determine how they can best support you.
Your initial message is also an excellent opportunity to ask any questions you may have about the counselling process. If both you and the counsellor agree to proceed with a first session, arrangements will be made for an initial meeting, often referred to as a "welcome meeting." The first official counselling session usually follows this welcome meeting.
After scheduling the welcome meeting, the counsellor will likely send additional information via email or message, including practical details such as their address if it's a face -to- face session, or a video link for online sessions
The First Session
The first counselling session typically follows a similar format to the welcome meeting and lasts up to an hour. During this time, you are more than welcome to talk about anything that you want. This is your opportunity to share your thoughts, feelings, and concerns in a supportive and non-judgmental environment.
Here are some topics that might be covered during your first counselling session:
- Introduction to the counselling space
- Exploring confidentiality
- Discussing what has brought you to seek counselling
- Identifying your goals
- Understanding your expectations
- Addressing any special arrangements or adjustments
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